There is a guy that I have been dating that I have always loved being with and gave me some awesome experiences that we shared together
After a few months of absence, he contacted me and I decided to take this opportunity to see if he would be interested in getting to know me more intimately on an emotional level.
When I received his reply, I really wasn’t surprised but felt so hurt, rejected and humiliated. My ego was bruised, and I responded quickly to ensure that “it’s no big deal” but really I was having a mini meltdown.
I was so afraid to look back at the text but I wanted to clarify exactly what he said. I started to cry. I knew that when he wrote: ‘Iam always happy to hang out with you.’
He was acknowledging my lovability.
“Oh my goodness…Iam lovable.” The revelation came with all its splendour and with a huge burst of tears. Tears of joy.
I knew in that moment, the “aha” moment, that he had come into my life to ignite my lovability. He has literally been the only man in years that has taken me out and enjoyed my company; and although we have been physically intimate, he has always enjoyed dating me. Enjoying my company at the movies. Having fun with watching a ball game. He took me for a ‘breath of air’ to a summer festival. He surprised me with a moonlight stroll near the lake where he liked talking with me and holding hands.
He enjoyed me. He was enjoying me. He ENJOYS me.
In that moment of awareness, i realized:
He’s a mirror reflecting to me; “I like you.” “You are fun.” I am always happy hanging out with you.”
The whole time i wanted him to be “the love of my life” and i was blindsiding myself to the real and more important purpose of this man coming into my life, this relationship.
Immediately, I recognized that i did need this experience. I decided that I actually do want to hang out with this ‘soul’ mate of mine. I think it’s the best thing i could do for myself. Relating with him will reinforce the TRUTH:
Iam lovable just the way Iam.
And that’s the key: BEING myself.
WE have a good time together. So let’s just do that.
He is here to open up my lovability.
And Iam completely on board with this.
I love my life.
I love every person that comes in it, especially the ones that seem like they are hurting me when really they love me beyond infinity.
“What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle.”
I have entered a new Universe.
It’s called Antonella is loved and Antonella is very, very, lovable.
Enlightenment: the moment you KNOW you are loved and you KNOW you are lovable.
Recently, I received a message from a guy that I was completely and utterly in love with. He ignited in me a love for myself that, at the time, I could only see through his eyes. I saw that I was perfect and how lovable I could be.
This began a journey for me to MY SELF, not my Ego, but my SOUL.
I was so happy to hear from him. It almost felt like everything between us was just a dream, but no…with him contacting me and establishing a more open connection, I felt like he IS REAL.
When we began conversing, I noticed that the dialogue was very similar, on his end, to the way we used to speak to one another. The emotional connection is still there and strong but for me it was different and I was also so much more appreciative of him.
I knew that no matter what happened between us now, it would never affect the feelings he had for me then and that he still expressed to me now.
The big difference is me. How much I have changed, grown, matured. The love for him was there, but the attraction was gone. This is so amazing to me. And even more than that, at the time we met I needed him so much to validate, accept, approve of and love me and I needed this from HIM and I didn’t want it from anyone else.
Now, I didn’t need that anymore because I KNOW IAM LOVED, not just by him but by God, the Universe and more important than even God or the Universe, I was loved by me.
I could fall into another illusion as I did in the past. The illusion of fantasy, attachment, fear of loss, fear of rejection, but my emotions are stable, calm and my mind clear.
I know that this guy contacting me is just a test from the Universe. Iam sure that an agreement was made between us many life time’s ago and deliberately created by me through my Higher Self to give me an opportunity to gain awareness of the change in my vibe and to break another cycle.
The truth is he loves me very much. He agreed to play this part in order for me to learn, grow and succeed. Iam grateful to him and love him so much.
I know that loving myself and becoming more aligned with God, the Universe and my Higher Self, I succeed and will continue to have success.
Awareness. Success. Enlightenment.
Enlightenment: succeeding to be your True Self in alignment with the Divine–God & the Universe.
Self-awareness is your true self which is ever-present and unlimited. This is your essential reality and this awareness is always there in the background of every thought and action. The ego is your self built on the belief in separation. Its entire activity is directed toward survival, defense and desperation. To eliminate negativity, separation and the feeling of overwhelm, you don’t need discipline or will power—you simply need to recognize your true nature as pure awareness.
Be a friend to yourself first–self love, self respect…
Love yourself first. Otherwise, we give to others and then we are bitter and resentful they don’t give to us. But if you give to yourself first, and use the overflow of your cup to give to others,
the more you give, the more your cup will fill
I have been on this spiritual journey, a self discovery journey that has been encompassing “loving myself”–up until now, its been all about the sweet, joyful, beautiful, loving, thoughtful ME.
However, before I transcend into a total acceptance of myself, it has come to my attention that i must also love the parts of me that are human, dark, and unlovable.
its the part i have been avoiding. The time is NOW.
I do love myself.
Note to Ego: i really do love you. You are a part of me, we will get through this. ❤️
I feel that it would be prudent to reflect upon the underlying root cause that a person would stay in a situation where they are being kept hostage emotionally. What does that mean then, “being held hostage emotionally”.
A hostage is a person that is kept against their will by some threat of impending danger to their life. Wow, Iam being held hostage emotionally because my life depends on receiving emotional intimacy? This is impossible. I will not die if a person does not give me care, affection, love, attention
However, the fact is, Iam still there allowing this to happen. Why? This is the real questi
So let’s delve into this further by asking: What is emotional intimacy?
Emotional intimacy, to me, is about being able to express freely my true feelings of love and affection and care to a person without holding back, without fear of rejection or without fear of duty; and receptively, accepting true feelings of love and affection and care from another without holding back, without fear of rejection and without fear of duty. Is this accurate?
If this definition is accurate, how does someone become a hostage?
The illusion of need and requirement have come to mind. If we believe we need this to survive then, of course, the threat of it being taken away may make us feel as though our life may be endangered. With this false belief, any person can keep us captive as long as they supply us with enough emotional intimacy to sustain us and eventually this becomes habitual.
So what’s the deciding factor or factors?
Both individuals engaging in this type of relationship are suffering from a lack of nourishment emotionally. Although it would appear that the “kidnapper’s” motives are sociopathic or narcissistic, the fact remains, these individuals have or are suffering from their own emotional mal-nourishment.
The two people form a relationship in which both are seeking the nourishment of connecting emotionally and therefore form an underlying, spiritual bond. This attachment can form the illusion of an almost indestructible prison world where either parties will find it difficult to leave or release themselves. In other words, the relationship is addictive in nature.
It can happen in short term relationships and long term. However, the bond only solidifies as time passes, making it more and more difficult to leave.
Eventually, as in all addictions, there is a ratio of pleasure-pain that contributes to the overall inability to foresee the relationship developing an unhealthy, detrimental quality, and eventually, toxic nature.
How can we equip ourselves to prevent this from happening at all? Can we do this with conscious awareness or is it such a subtle process that it is virtually undetectable when it happens….?
Everything in our life is there because we attract it. This is a hard pill for some to swallow as there are injustices in the world that are inexplicable. However, everything that happens, happens for a reason, and the reason is always good.
Join me in Part II of this blog, where I will discuss the steps that allowed me to develop a strong sense of self in order to prevent the further creation of emotional blackmail in relationships.