Monthly Archives: June 2015

  

  
TOXICITY IN RELATIONSHIPS: Emotional Blackmail

I feel that it would be prudent to reflect upon the underlying root cause that a person would stay in a situation where they are being kept hostage emotionally. What does that mean then, “being held hostage emotionally”.  

A hostage is a person that is kept against their will by some threat of impending danger to their life. Wow, Iam being held hostage emotionally because my life depends on receiving emotional intimacy? This is impossible. I will not die if a person does not give me care, affection, love, attention

However, the fact is, Iam still there allowing this to happen. Why? This is the real questi

So let’s delve into this further by asking: What is emotional intimacy?

Emotional intimacy, to me, is about being able to express freely my true feelings of love and affection and care to a person without holding back, without fear of rejection or without fear of duty; and receptively, accepting true feelings of love and affection and care from another without holding back, without fear of rejection and without fear of duty. Is this accurate?

If this definition is accurate, how does someone become a hostage?

 

“…With this false belief, any person can keep us captive…”
 
The illusion of need and requirement have come to mind. If we believe we need this to survive then, of course, the threat of it being taken away may make us feel as though our life may be endangered. With this false belief, any person can keep us captive as long as they supply us with enough emotional intimacy to sustain us and eventually this becomes habitual.

So what’s the deciding factor or factors? 

Both individuals engaging in this type of relationship are suffering from a lack of nourishment emotionally. Although it would appear that the “kidnapper’s” motives are sociopathic or narcissistic, the fact remains, these individuals have or are suffering from their own emotional mal-nourishment.  

The two people form a relationship in which both are seeking the nourishment of connecting emotionally and therefore form an underlying, spiritual bond. This attachment can form the illusion of an almost indestructible prison world where either parties will find it difficult to leave or release themselves. In other words, the relationship is addictive in nature.

It can happen in short term relationships and long term. However, the bond only solidifies as time passes, making it more and more difficult to leave. 

Eventually, as in all addictions, there is a ratio of pleasure-pain that contributes to the overall inability to foresee the relationship developing an unhealthy, detrimental quality, and eventually, toxic nature.

 

“…the illusion of an almost indestructible prison world…”
 
How can we equip ourselves to prevent this from happening at all? Can we do this with conscious awareness or is it such a subtle process that it is virtually undetectable when it happens….?

Everything in our life is there because we attract it. This is a hard pill for some to swallow as there are injustices in the world that are inexplicable. However, everything that happens, happens for a reason, and the reason is always good.

Join me in Part II of this blog, where I will discuss the steps that allowed me to develop a strong sense of self in order to prevent the further creation of emotional blackmail in relationships.

“…develop a strong sense of self…”